I remember a time in my life when I used to constantly seek for approval. Not from my parents noooo..I had little to no self confidence at all. I used to seek for approval from my friends and most people around me. It’s not that I was trying to fit in( or maybe I was, I just didn’t know) but I had this thing where I needed for someone to say “ow my you should totally do that” and “don’t do that, do this instead. I was dependent on what people had to say so much that I wouldn’t be happy until someone says that’s good…or you look good…
I was hungry for approval
I was a sucker for hearing and doing what those around me said.
It was like that until I realized I was tired. I was tired of having to constantly have to wait for someone to say something in order for me to do something…maybe I thought it was good because I didn’t have trouble with anyone at all. You can’t get in trouble when you live to please people or at least that’s what I thought…but it was a bad path, I had to move away from it.
I realized it was exhausting having to please people because, people can never really be fully satisfied by what you do. I decided to put on my big boy pants and live life on my terms for once. I would jump if I wanted to but it wasn’t going to be because someone said it’s okay to jump…I was gonna do it because I decided I wanted to.
You have to understand that you can live life doing what your friends and family say and yeah you are less likely to get in trouble with that…but if you don’t break free from that pattern you will never experience life beyond what is perceived by others. You will never make your own mistakes and learn on your own terms.
So in short what I’m saying is,
don’t live your life based on other people’s approval…If you love the ugly shirt wear that even if your friends make a face when you pass them. Just live your life on your own terms☺
I believe it’s in our nature to make mistakes. We are human after all and we are not perfect. Once in a while we are expected to make the wrong decisions…we are expected to slip up and go off the rails.
Yes we can try our best to live perfect lives but trust me you won’t win that battle.The thing with mistakes is that they are very easy to make. At times we don’t even know what we are doing is wrong. The problem arises when what’s done is done and we get to face the consequences of our actions.Learning to move past the decisions that led to whatever situation we are in is a real struggle especially when even those around you are failing to stand by you.
That doesn’t really matter though. The one thing that will help you move on from whatever unfortunate situation your actions landed you is forgiveness.I don’t mean forgiveness from those around you I simply mean forgiveness from yourself. You have accepted that you were wrong and that’s a good start…it’s what normal people do.
Yes guilt and regret will be there but you can’t really turn back the clock and undo the past so you learn to accept what you got yourself into and find it in you to forgive yourself for being human… because the only person who can ever really help us out of certain situations is ourselves. You can have many people telling you it’s okay and mistakes happen and it will be okay but if you don’t find a way to tell yourself those words and actually believe them, you will remain hung up in the past.
I have a theory of my own when I screw up…
◦ Admit you screwed up
◦ Accept the consequences
◦ Forgive yourself
◦ Focus on the next step…the what now
We go through life being too careful sometimes. We are scared to try things because we are afraid of what will happen if things don’t go as we hoped they would. So we stand on the sidelines being very careful because we are afraid to break a few bones or because we are afraid to get our little hearts broken.
I am not saying be reckless but it’s not living if you go through life being too careful and following the rules all the time…break out of your safe zone sometimes.Be spontaneous now and then. Life is terrifying…You can go through it trying to follow all the rules and avoiding risky situations but anything can happen to you at any moment.
See the thing is It’s not about whether you spend your life in a boardroom,your bedroom or on a beach sipping champagne…when you look back on your life the only thing that matters is did you spend it doing what you love?
With the people you love?
Where you happy?
These are the questions you have to ask yourself…you can spend your entire life on the sidelines watching everyone live each day as if it was their last or you can move and cross the road without looking on either side (😂😂don’t do that) just because you want to feel the adrenaline rush it ignites in you for that one day…but hey if the sidelines are your happy place then keep that up🤗
My point is….
Life is too precious to waste doing anything less than what makes us happy.
Because in the end it’s not about who got the most likes on social media, or who got the most awards nor who drove the most expensive cars and had Gucci written all over, but the one who touched most hearts…one whose work left a mark( meaningful and important Mark) in someone’s life
She has a weave I have cornrows
She drives a rover I drive a city golf
She wears Prada, I wear…well my clothes have no brand
She married a rich man, my husband is poor
She is more successful than I am
She is loved more
She lives in a perfect world…
Those are the things we say.
Those are the things we tell ourselves.
Those are the little things that steal our joy.
Instead of coming up with a positive sentence, one that will remind us we are good the way we are, one that will encourage us to be great full for the little we are given, the she is this and that becomes our morning cup of coffee.
Comparison is the thief of Joy…
But I must add to that…if you comparing yourself to others encourages you to want to do better and be a better person( better person for you not better than others) then I personally say go ahead and compare yourself to those around you if it means you becoming a better person for you…but if you compare yourself to others with the aim of being better than everyone, then honey you are leading down a wrong path. Stop!!!
Because the truth is you can never be better than everyone…the people you want to be better than, don’t have it all figured out…
That’s just me😝
Be the candle in their lives
…Always there when darkness befalls them
But don’t let them take you for granted
What’s the first thing you do when you realise things are not the same anymore? Like what do you even think of when you realise the texting has redused to 10 instead of 200 daily…what do you do when you realise the calls are now 2minutes long instead of two hours? What do you do when you move from saying out everything on your mind to questioning whether they might overeat to the simple jokes you make…what do you do then?
Here is a list?
[ ] Ignore and watch as it all fades away
[ ] Address the issue…
[ ] Pretend all is good and just continue to watch what you say and how you say it in the hope that all bonds are kept despite how not the same things are…
[ ] Or do you do the right thing that every mature adult will do and just be the one to call it quits without saying anything at all🙄…just stop with the texts and calls…<<<<<
Which box would you check?